Diabetes can really make you look like a tit sometimes, and it’s through no fault of your own. I’ve been type 1 for almost 14 years now, and for at least half that time I was really rubbish at looking after myself. That led to a series of hilarious (albeit life threatening) escapades, that looking back on now I realise were all totally avoidable.
Learn from my low blood sugar mistakes so you don’t have to make them.
Is it embarrassing to be diabetic?
Let’s get this cleared up straight away. Hell no. Being a type 1 diabetic ain’t your fault. You’ve not done it on purpose, done nothing wrong to get it, and it’s not a sign that you’re an unhealthy person. It’s just a cruel trick played on you by your body. If anything should be embarrassed it’s your pathetic pancreas, which is now getting a free ride without contributing anything to your life.
The only time diabetes should cause embarrassment is when you look back on it, safe in the knowledge that you won’t get yourself into those stupid situations again.
So without further ado, here are the 10 times being diabetic made me feel stupid.
10. When a waiter force fed me pudding
When I was pre-diabetic (in those glorious years when you’re just really unwell, but don’t know why) I went to America with my family. One night we went to a dinner-and-a-show performance of some gang themed production. I can’t really remember what it was - my body was too busy destroying itself to enjoy it.
Part of the shtick was that gangsters would bring you your food, as well as being part of the play. This was all fun and games until one of the gangsters/ waiters realised I had left some of my pudding.
Little did he (or I, at the time) know that I couldn’t finish my pudding because the sugar was killing me. He walked over to my table, pulled out his toy gun and said words to the effect of:
“Mamma ain’t gonna be pleased if you don’t eat her pudding. You want me to tell her you don’t like it? She won’t be happy.”
He then put his toy gun to my head and spoon-fed me the rest of my meal, much to my family’s amusement. How we laughed, until the truth came out.
The lesson here is to never trust a man with a toy gun to care for your health, no matter what his mamma says.
9. When I had to pull over on the motorway
You know those little lay-bys at the side of motorways with phones in? They’re designed for cars in distress to pull over and get help. More on that later.
One day I was driving home from work when it dawned on me that I felt dizzier than normal. Being aware of my diabetic symptoms, I decided to reach for some Dextrose tablets to fix my low blood sugar. However, there was a problem. My Dextrose were in my bag which was on the back seat of my car, and I couldn’t reach them without risking causing many, many deaths.
I did the sensible thing and pulled over at the next safe space.
Now back to those phones. What I didn’t realise at the time was that those phones ring you when you pull up next to them. They ask you what’s wrong, why you’re there and if you need any help. I panicked.
Obviously needing to have some sugar was a valid reason for using the space, but I was new to driving and didn’t know what would happen. So I just scoffed my sweets, locked my car doors and waited until I felt well enough to drive off again.
If it ever happens to you, just answer the damn phone. It saves a lot of stress.
8. When I had to down a Coke whilst on my bike
Like I mentioned earlier, for a long time I was a rubbish diabetic. This was one of my most rubbish moments. I was just about to leave work and bike home, when it dawned on me that I was about to pass out. The logical thing to do here would be to put my bike down, have some sugar and wait it out. But that is not what I did.
I went to the work kitchen and grabbed a can of Coke. I then went back to my bike, got on my bike and started pedalling, as I drank said can of Coke.
I made it home in one piece, somehow, albeit a lot stickier.
7. When I first met my partner
Meeting my partner wasn’t the embarrassing part here. She’s always been great about me being diabetic. In fact if anything, it makes her think of me as more interesting than I would be without it. Nah, the stupid part here was how often I checked my blood sugar that night.
The thing is, I was nervous, and when you get nervous you feel a bit tingly. Maybe a bit drowsy. Maybe a bit sweaty. All symptoms that can also come with low blood sugar.
On the tram to meet her, every part of my body was telling me my blood sugar was low. So I checked it. Not once, not twice, not even three times. I probably checked it about six times on the 20 minute tram ride from my flat to the pub.
It was fine every time.
The people sat next to me must have thought there was something much more seriously wrong with me than diabetes.
6. When I passed out at a party
Back to the days when I was a terrible type 1 diabetic now, and checking my blood sugar was the last thing on my mind. At university we were throwing a house party. It was packed full of people who had nowhere better to go (we weren’t a popular group) and I was druuunnkkkk.
It’s absolutely fine to drink as a diabetic, so long as you do it right.
The way I did it was not right at all.
I was drinking neat vodka all night, thinking the only way to have fun at a party was to drink so much you couldn’t remember it. At some point early in the evening, I went up to my room to lay down and be violently sick. That continued for a while, until I decided I should move to the bathroom.
Once in there I was even more sick, before I heard some banging on the bathroom door. I wasn’t sure how long they’d been banging for, but then i heard someone shout, “He’s diabetic! I’ll get help!”
About ten minutes later I was being carted off in an ambulance. I reckon my blood sugar was fine, I was just drinking vodka like it was water and getting what I deserved.
Don’t be that person at a party. Check yourself before… you know how it goes.
5. When a colleague stepped over me
This one doesn’t technically make me feel stupid as much as it makes me feel sad. During my dark days, I’d passed out from low blood sugar in a car park opposite where I worked. When I returned to the office a few days later, I was told that a colleague had seen me there, stepped over me and carried on eating his lunch.
His comment had apparently been, “There’s a guy on the floor over there, I think he works here.”
Never trust. It only ends up hurting.
4. When I looked like I’d been in a fight
I always wanted to be tougher than I was. I wanted to be a bad lad with an attitude that people feared and respected, but instead I was really well behaved and wouldn’t say boo to a really quiet goose. So when I’d passed out (the time when a colleague stepped over me) and conked myself on the head, I was left with a really cool looking black eye.
I loved this. Whenever people asked what had happened, I made out like it was something much more badass than falling over and hitting my face on the floor. Finally, that reputation I craved would be mine!
Only it wouldn’t, because I’d passed out right outside work and everyone had seen it happen. Lying isn’t badass at all.
3. When a coworker had to catch me
Not all hypos lead to fun stories. Some lead to you falling into the lap of a confused coworker, who doesn’t know whether you’re trying to fight them or trying to hug them. Waking up in the lap of a kind older man wasn’t something I’d planned for the day, but it was a much softer landing than a concrete floor.
2. When I passed out in the same place, twice in two weeks
If you’re going to suffer from hypoglycemia, at least try and mix it up a little bit. At my worst I was falling over all the time, and spent a good period of my life sitting in hospital beds being told I must try harder.
Two of these incidents happened in the exact same place in the same two week period.
I was walking back from Starbucks with a coffee in hand, when down I went. Oops, won’t make that mistake again. Fast forward seven days, when I was walking back from Starbucks with a coffee in hand, when down I went.
After the second time the hospital decided they needed to intervene, and I was made a high risk patient who needed serious help. No-one ever paid me back for those two lost coffees though, which I’ll always resent.
1.When I got out an ambulance and went back to work
And finally, the most stupid diabetic moment of them all, when I checked myself out the back of an ambulance and went back to work as if nothing had happened.
You get bored of being the centre of unwanted attention after a while, and I was truly sick of people thinking I was, well, sick. It was this frustration that led to me finally looking after myself, and I think this moment - stupid as it was - was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I was sitting in the back of an ambulance after yet ANOTHER incident at work where dear old diabetes had gotten the better of me. They were just about to take me off to hospital when I decided, you know what, I didn’t need it.
I pulled the many sticky pads off my chest, collected my things and marched back into the office to carry on with my day. The faces of my colleagues were both surprised and concerned, not grateful like I’d been hoping for.
No-one welcomed me back by saying, “Oh thank God you’re here, we couldn’t have gone on without you!”
And I’m not surprised. If you’ve been unconscious for any amount of time, you shouldn’t think you’ll be any good at performing any kind of work. Nor should you think you know better than a medical professional.
Stay in that ambulance. Don’t be an idiot.
Worried about doing something stupid yourself?
Suffering from low blood sugar is no laughing matter, and there are many ways to ensure you don’t have to go through it. Read my very helpful tips on how to fix low blood sugar and ensure hypoglycemia never leaves you feeling stupid again.
If you want to drink a whole bottle of vodka at a party, that’s entirely up to you.