I’ll put this out there straight away - that title sounded better in my head. Written down it’s not as good, but I’ve done it now and unlike in my day job, no-one’s going to tell me to change it.
This December (22/12/24) I’ll celebrate my diabetic half-life, a term I’ve invented to describe the point in time where I’ll have been diabetic for exactly as long as I wasn’t. I remember thinking this would be a pivotal moment for me, that by this point I’d have everything sorted and would be some kind of super diabetic, who never even got a little bit jealous of people who could produce their own insulin, never got shy about injecting in public, and had perfect control over his blood glucose levels at all times.
I was naive back then.
As I approach this milestone, and begin to wonder how I even go about celebrating it (a big cake seems sensible,) I thought I could look back on all the many mistakes I’ve made, but then I decided that would be too sombre and I’d rather not think about them.
Instead I’ll offer some reassurances - the kind of things I wish I’d known 17 years ago when it all began, but have only found out through a series of trials and near-fatal errors. Maybe it’ll help, and maybe you too can look forward to the point in your life when you’ve not produced insulin for as long as you did.
You get used to it
When you first get diagnosed, it comes as a horrible shock. Everything suddenly feels so difficult - you can’t eat without injections, you can’t exercise without risk, you can’t sleep without worry, you can’t go out without some kit. And while none of that ever really goes away, you do get used to it. Now it’s more of a shock to me if I can eat without injecting - for example if someone serves me a salad or a carb-free meal. WHAT AM I EVEN DOING? I know what signs to look for during exercise, I have alarms set up to warn me during the night, and the kit I carry about with me gets smaller all the time. The things you first worried about will still be there, but you’ll be more comfortable worrying about them.
The technology gets better
Think diabetes tech is good now? Imagine how good it will be in a few years time. Back when I was diagnosed I had to inject once in the morning and once at night, and couldn’t eat any sugar. Life was bleak. But then they created a new type of faster-acting insulin which meant I could eat sugar again. I used to have to check my blood glucose with a little machine and test strips, and spent over a decade ruining my fingertips. Now there’s a gadget stuck on my arm that links in with an app. Pump technology is getting better all the time, and I recently read about a type of insulin that can predict what your blood sugar will do. There’s even work happening on a potential cure. Whatever you’re struggling with now, chances are they’ll invent something that makes it so much easier. There’s reason to be excited.
You get better at spotting the signs
I used to fall over all the time. It wasn’t a good look for me. But now my body does a better job at recognising the symptoms of low blood glucose, and I know how to deal with them. Note for past Ash: eating a millionaire’s shortbread is not a good fix for a hypo. You’ll get better at this too, and you’ll end up taking a whole hoard of sugar tablets out with you wherever you go, just in case.
You get more confident
A big thing for me was the confidence to inject in public. I still get a bit funny about this in certain situations, for example around people I don’t know that well, or in busy restaurants where it feels like everyone is looking. But I’m a lot better at it than I used to be. In the past I’d go off to the bathroom before a meal, or not take it at all to avoid feeling embarrassed. That was silly of me. Confidence comes with time, and soon you’ll quite like it when people look - I told an old lady it was heroin recently, and it gave me quite the rush.
You find ways to make things easier
You’ll learn what works for you with diabetes. I have a kit bag now with a compartment for everything I could ever need, I have glucose tablets on repeat order online, I know which jackets have the best pockets for carrying stuff in, and I know how my body reacts with different doses. (I never take insulin before a walk, for example. Walking always brings my levels down. Maybe I should get a lift.) You learn what works and what doesn’t, and all the pre-planning you might have to do at the start just becomes second nature.
There’s a reason I find leftover Dextros in all my bags and coats - it’s because I plan ahead, and then forget I did that and leave them to go all soft and mushy.
So in answer to the poor pun of a headline, does it get diabetter? Nah, it’s still shite, but it gets a bit diabeasier. That’s even worse, isn’t it?